Perfect Hand Made Dog Clothes

The Perfect Pet Clothes

Disaster Perfect Pet Clothes

OK, I admit that I bought it at OfficialDogHouse.com.  See here.  But it’s still cute and with the time that I saved by not sewing it, even if I knew how to sew, I can watch Top Chef!  Oh, but I guess  that means I really should get a dog.  

Nah, looks good on the toy.

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Perfect Hand Made “Draft Dodger”?

That’s a draft dodger?

OK, so before Martha I thought a draft dodger was a guy like the neighbor who went to Canada to avoid going to Vietnam.   Martha has a nifty little set of instructions for this one.  Even I think I can do this!  I could probably bat out 10 or 20 of these and give them out as gifts and then people would think I am so…like Martha!  All perfect and all that and feeling lucky to know me!

Instructions are here.  Let’s see, I have no tape measurer, no rotary cutter, no sewing pins, no sewing machine, no needle and thread, but I do have recycled newspaper cat litter.  Ugh!  She can’t mean recycled cat litter?  Let’s look at that again!  I don’t think so, that would smell too bad.  Oh!  Recycled newspaper cat litter. That I don’t have.  I’ll just make do.

Project “Adjustments”

Ok, so I use an old pair of pants for fabric and eyeball that across the length of the door.  Screw the template because my printer isn’t working.  I’ll just staple the ends and roll it like a hot dog and then staple the fabric together in the middle. How hard can that be?  I can use that clean, unused Fresh Step Kitty Litter that I have.  

Well, my finished draft dodger is a little lumpy and I don’t think you’re supposed to see staples, but if you put the staple side on the bottom, nobody knows.  Feeling pretty good about myself!  Except for all the cat litter all over the house.

Postscript:  The day After

I spilled water on my hand made draft dodger and it melted!! The Martha Stewart 800 number said I should not have used clay kitty litter.  Bummer.  I’ll just go buy a draft dodger at Sheets and Shit.

Second Postscript: The Day After That

My neighbor’s mad at me because her cat pissed on the draft dodger and now it’s just a melted mud mess on her new hardwood floors.  I can’t help it that she didn’t house train that darn cat better!

I’ll buy some wine and we’ll just get buzzed and forget about it!  Who needs a draft dodger anyway!  We’re modern, we have insulation now! 

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Where Are Your Hand Made Pet Toys?

Hand made pet toys anyone?

So have you heard? Martha’s having a contest so that everyone can show off their hand made pet toys? Deadline for submission of a photo to her website is January 12.   This is going to be so much fun!

I started on my project at about 8:00 a.m. this morning  and was very excited at the thought of sending my photo into Martha’s website.  I thought I would make about 5-10 projects and send a photo of the best one.

DAY ONE

Plan A:      8:00-11:30 a.m.
Ok, I thought I would start with a cat toy, right? So I went to the pet store and bought some fresh catnip and one of those plastic balls with the holes in it so that they can smell the catnip. When I got home, I put the catnip in it and snapped it shut and got ready to take the picture of the cat with the ball and then I thought, no, I can’t do that! It’s too simple. Just then the cat started batting it around and the ball broke and the catnip went all over the living room.

Plan B:      12:00-4:00 p.m.
I thought I would make a dog bed, except I don’t sew. But I still wanted to make it so I thought I would just glue one together. So I went out and bought some cardboard and then I had to figure out where in the h-ll to get fabric because it’s not like I ever need any so where do I go. Once I got there I found this neat little Ralph Lauren-looking hunter green stuff.

I got home and had the box and the fabric and then realized that sitting in a hard cardboard box was not much of a “bed” so I went looking for some old clothes to put under the fabric. So, I took a few old t-shirts and stuffed them in the bottom of the box and by then I was feeling pretty darn proud of myself for being all crafty!

Next I took out my Elmer’s and glued the fabric to the box. Well, I don’t think that was the right glue because it  just kind of peeled off the box. So I just decided to staple it together and well, it has tons of creases that I did not anticipate and it is a little hard because the glue eventually did set and it made the fabric look a little white. and wrinkly.  The old t-shirts started to move too so there’s really nothing in the middle so there isn’t much of a bed. Oh h-ll, it’s a mess!

Plan C:      6:00-9:30 p.m.
I thought a seed ball for a bird would be easy because I could just coat a popsicle stick with the Elmer’s that I bought for the dog bed, but my neighbor laughed at me and just said why don’t I just go buy one. Well, because Martha wouldn’t buy a seed ball for her bird!

I had to go back to the pet store and buy seed since I don’t have a bird.   I admit I was just tempted to buy one of the damn things, but I went home.  Then I forgot that I don’t have a popsicle stick.  And because I don’t know where crafters get their stuff, I just went to the grocery store and bought some popsicles and ate 5-6 so that I could use the sticks.  Jeez, by then I had brain freeze and my mouth was bright orange!

Anywho, I dipped the popsicle sticks in the Elmers and then rolled them around in that darn seed.  I tried to shape them into some cute shape like a birdhouse but it wouldn’t set so they all just looked like corn dogs rolled in seed kind of dripping down the stick.  By the time that they were dry, they were totally flat on the back and my corn dog seed balls had stuck to the newspaper that they were laying on.  I tried to peel off the newspaper, but that didn’t work very well because it wouldn’t all come off and just kind of shredded.  Then I tried running a damp cloth over it.  I guess it wasn’t dry enough because the seeds started to come off and were rolling everywhere.

Plan D:      11:30-1:00 a.m.

I spray painted the last seed ball gold with the paper on it.  I realize that it’s not perfect, but its pretty darn close.  Now I just have to borrow a bird so that I can take a picture of it with my abstract seed ball.

DAY TWO

Plan E:     10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m.

Went back to the pet store.  Talked them into letting me photograph a bird with the seed ball, but the fumes from the gold spray paint were too much for the little guy so I had to buy him and take him to the vet.   Poor thing.  I didn’t know they made respirators that tiny!  I had to leave him there overnight for observation.  I’ll return him to the pet store tomorrow after I take a picture of him.

Day Three

Plan F:   10:00 a.m.-12:00 noon

I picked up the bird from the vet.  He’s fine.  Took him back to the pet store.  They didn’t want him back so I paid them to take him back.  Went back home and used my digital imaging software to juxtapose the photo of the bird with the abstract art seed bell.  Perfect!!

I just know I’m going to win that darn contest!

 

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